I had a pity party moment this morning.

The  speech and language therapy assistant called me today to say that following my request - it has been decided that Emma will receive no further speech therapy input at school.. They believe that she will NEVER speak outside the home. I was angry- speech therapy provision has been appalling ever since she was tiny. She had a severe speech disability and she has come such a long way- but she still has problems. She has been selective mute since she started senior school- and the 6th form Head kept pressing that it was a choice issue at her review. I wish Guy had gone with me to that. I get angry- but it makes me upset and I don't always fight Emma's corner well enough. I've followed the avenues open to her to try and sort the problem. I wasn't even aware that she wasn't speaking in senior school until several months in. They are going to send speech therapy work sheets home for us- but we're not trained and I don't know how to encourage different sound productions. A lot of her speech therapy HAS been done by us- she really is remarkable- but her ASD makes her co-operation very hit and miss.

It just struck me that they have basically written her off- will she ever get  a job if she never speaks to anyone but the select few. She does really need a 'safe adult' wherever she is.I can't see her ever being an independant traveller- so whatever course she takes I will probably always need to take and collect her- and it could be miles away. She want to just sit in her room all the time- she doesn't like people and has no interest in making friends- but it means her world is so restricted.

I do at times feel like it is all left to me. People say- "you cope so well" or "God only sends it to people who can manage". So as soon as I came off the phone I burst into tears. I've managed to get that under control- but it has made me really sad.

I was also really annoyed about having to wait in all day for a UPS parcel that was never delivered. I had to call their head office a few times. This morning they called to say they were trying to establish IF it was out for redelivery and I got really angry about that too. DO they think that people can stay in all day 2 days running. The poor dog had to keep her legs crossed yesterday. How can any company still have an 11 hour delivery slot.

Amy had some clothes delivered by a courier this morning- and whilst I was opening the front door I missed UPS running up the back garden and deciding I wasn't in. Luckily a neighbour was in- and I caught the delivery driver coming back up the path to deliver a 'sorry we missed you' card. I have no idea how I managed to miss them- the house is only 20ft wide- so I wasn't miles away.

It was a internet dongle- so that we can provide some internet access on holiday for Emma. Sims IS her world and the internet keeps her world turning. We've also had to buy a new laptop (well second hand off ebay)_ so that she can load sims 2. My old laptop is just about ready to throw in the towel.

I am so ready for my holiday. Amy still has nothing ready- I think the clothes ordering is her way of getting round the ironing. I was prepared to iron it- IF it turned up early enough, but she's a real last minute person! I'm having to go on the train with my mum, sister and niece- because my dad struggles a bit and it's easier for him in the car. He's been suffering a bit lately- and is having an exploratory op when we get back- so could take them a while to drive down to Cornwall!